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Dr. Sploom

            Yesterday while on the subway I had this unsettling feeling. My imagination went wild, I had this eerie feeling that I would come home & my boy friend would tell me my Cat was dead. Pushing it all aside kept reading till it was my stop. I reach my apartment door & I am conflicted about opening the door. I can smell dinner in the hallway, as my boyfriend usually cooks if he is home before me. I walk in & his face lights up as he tells me the great day he had out job hunting. I let go of the breathe I am holding, nod, & interject at the appropriate moments. After I take off my coat & put my bag down I ask where is Dr. Sploom? He usually greets me when I come home? My boy friend told me he is hiding in his house / bed that we have for him. He was upset that he had to have a bath & my boy friend figured he'd come out when I got home. My boyfriend just walked in just a bit before me & hadn't interacted with him since 11am, it is now after 6pm. I go to his house & call him, no response. Shake treats, nothing. I reach down to wake him, & he is slightly cold, stiff, & unyielding to the touch.


           I walk away, I am in shock. My boy friend goes well did he come out? I keep shaking my head. He goes I will drag him out. I finally whisper he's gone. What do you mean he's gone? my boyfriend says. I tell him he is cold, he's........I cant say it. My boyfriend gets mad, & tells me no, that is impossible. He was this morning, that he will get him. I must be mistaken. He is only 7 months old, with no known conditions that the Vet tested for just a month ago.

                  I wish I was wrong, that he was just being defiant. He is gone, why? I have no idea. He was my birthday gift to me, my boyfriend who moved in with me, who hated cats. Well, let's just say I think he is taking it harder then me at the moment. He was a member of our little family in our place, for the 3 of us. I had to get all Dr. Sploom's stuff out. I couldn't bare to look at it anymore without tearing up. When I left for work this morning, the place looked empty. There was no one to hang out with me while I showered. Or to share breakfast with me. To nuzzle me good bye. Or any of the millions of rituals my Cat & I had. My head feels heavy & my heart is empty...........

Million & 2


         I lost a close friend last month to drugs, I am still feeling that loss. I have lost others to their own greed & transitions. I am lucky for the people I still have in my life that are close to my heart. I feel like I have been recently molted. A new me, but still the old me underneath. I am now ready to establish myself in this new era on 30 something. I need more, oh so much more. More to do, more people to converse with, more, just more.


              I have started the giant climb of Griffith Park hill, I use to be able to do that in 2003. Years later & pounds later, I am there again huffing & puffing, & hurting. I will succeed it, make the whole 3 miles & feel good about myself. I will see more concerts, I will dance more & lose myself to music. Music I vow you that I will find myself in you again. I have been gone this last year, cocooned in my crystalline shell. I am now awakening & ready to be with you again. I just need someone to hold my hand there.

Caught in a motion that I don't wanna stop

listening to "Headlights - Hi-Ya!" on Blip

No you you just wanna believe the truth is worth fire
Sometimes you just need to breathe it all in & let your soul live...................
Take my broken wings teach me to fly again. I Stand Alone.........
dizzy, twirling, swirling intertwining lives
Yours is the first face that I saw. I think I was blind before I met you.